Do You Have an Alter-Ego?

There was a time when I did. His name was T-Dogg. That’s what everyone called me, and how they knew me, except for my relatives, teachers, coaches, Sunday school teachers, etc. But it was not just about the name, it was the way I acted that people knew me as “T-Dogg.” It was cooler than “Tracy” for sure! T-Dogg was cool. He knew right from wrong but didn’t care what he did. He was fake, but popular. He was cool because he did what people wanted him to do to be liked. T-Dogg gained popularity at school, and many other places he went. He was a drinker, a pot smoker, a brawler, an instigator. He was “liked” for these things. But honestly, I don’t miss T-Dogg, although it is so easy to hide behind someone and never let out the “real” you that fails and struggles and is inadequate and messed up and is insecure and scared and feels worthless and so on and so on. T-Dogg had all those things.

But the person hiding behind T-Dogg, Tracy, knew it was all fake, and was miserable. No one really knew me. Tracy was just an ordinary guy. He was raised in church all of his life, made straight A’s and B’s as a kid, took piano lessons, was a teachers’ pet in a couple of grades, cried when his brothers picked on him(called him the “little lady”), and came home from school numerous times crying because someone said he had a girls name. He was walking home from school in the sixth grade when two guys beat him up and tried to take his Orlando Magic starter jacket. Tracy cried then too. He just didn’t measure up to the “cool” kids. He desperately wanted to be someone he was not raised to be, a “cool kid.” So he began to slowly change in order to become “T-Dogg.”

Tracy is my true self, with all the sin, fears, insecurities and questions.

T-Dogg is the alter-ego, with a wall around him, trying to hide everything from everyone.

The alter-ego is the impersonator of my true self who wants only to be liked, admired, approved, accepted, and of course to fit in. Tracy is weak, insecure, sinful, desperate for more, so he makes up an alter-ego. It’s all he knows to do, and he thinks it will help him, but it only makes things worse.

One of the things I am learning in my life is to accept the alter-ego, because it’s all part of my real, sinful self. And if I cannot accept it and all the “fake-ness” and game-playing that it experiences, then I can never really accept myself as a man who is messed up… a man who is broken and in need of a Savior, in need of Jesus Christ; because up until that point, I am trying to cover my sin and stuff up. I think I can do it on my own. I am learning to be grateful for my sin, because sin paves the way to, and shows my need for, the grace of God. When I see myself for who I really am, a sinful man who tries desperately to cover it up, then I can more clearly see my need for Jesus and His grace in my life! Jesus loves me so much just the way I am! I don’t have to “do better” in order for Jesus to love me! He is crazy about me! Before Jesus, I don’t have to “fake it” or try to “cover up.” He loves me no matter what, and in Him I am accepted and loved. And the more I fix my eyes on Jesus, the more I forget about myself and deny myself. Like the old song says, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.” Oh, how He loves me! I find rest in Him and Him alone! I don’t have to hide, I can be totally open and real before God and rest in His grace! As I seek Him, He changes me! I need to add one more line to what I wrote above…

Tracy is my true self, with all the sin, fears, insecurities and questions.

T-Dogg is the alter-ego, with a wall around him trying to hide everything from everyone.

Jesus is the lover of my soul, the One who gave His life in exchange for Tracy, AKA “T-Dogg” and all of the sin and insecurity and failure that is in me! Only because of Jesus am I free… “If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed.” - John 8:36

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” - Romans 5:8

Do you have an alter-ego? If so, what are you gonna do about it? Please listen to the words to the song below, and let them sink in! Love you guys!

Tracy

“How many observe Christ’s birthday! How few, His precepts!”- Benjamin Franklin

“Immanuel, God with us in our nature, in our sorrow, in our lifework, in our punishment, in our grave, and now with us, or rather we with Him, in resurrection, ascension, triumph, and Second Advent splendor.”
- Charles Spurgeon

Please read this, and keep in mind that “Only Christ matters” this season, the rest are just traditions!

One November a friend of mine almost lost her child. By Christmas the crisis was past, but they still were not sure of the long-term implications. She e-mailed me in mid-December, during the season which, before this, had always been her favorite:

Surprisingly, I’m finding Christmas hard. A little bit I resent all the hoopla; sometimes I want to shout: Don’t you know my baby could have died?!

At the same time I’m very grateful she’s alive and very aware that she might not have been. So you’d think I’d be really, really happy! In spiritual terms, Christmas is not very meaningful to me this year one way or the other. I feel a bit like God and I are on a journey together, seeing and doing a lot, but certainly not staying anywhere for any length of time.

If you are bearing a difficult load, it can weigh even heavier as you look around at all the holiday excitement. It may seem that everyone is happy, except you.

Maybe you wonder how you can celebrate when you feel so numb. May I invite you to look over my shoulder at the letter I sent my friend? I pray it might be an encouragement to you.

It’s not at all surprising that Christmas is hard for you this year. The reason for Christmas is the same as it ever was, and nothing is more essential to our lives than the incarnation.

What’s different for you, I expect, is that the traditions we wrap around Dec. 25 to make it different from other days, those traditions and activities are as nothing to you this year. In fact, the thought of them probably weighs like a lump of lead in your belly. So what!

Trees are nothing. Feasts are nothing. Lights are nothing. Music is nothing.

Only Christ matters. He is the only reason that you can be on any sort of journey with God, that you can have anything at all to do with God.

Only Jesus matters. Hold on to that. One time I told someone in hard times, “Just hang in there.” But she corrected me, “I’m not just hanging in there. I’m trying to hang on to Jesus.”

So please, just keep hanging on to Jesus.

Sometimes, when things are going well, we might too easily forget that we have only one sure, immovable, dependable strength: Jesus, who was a baby once, and is always and forever God. That is what holds us and keeps us, whether or not we can carry out our traditions.

May our decorations, gifts, and festivities—or lack of them—never block our view of Him, but always point us toward Him.

Adapted Noel Piper’s book, Treasuring God in Our Traditions and published in the Dec 3, 2003 issue of the Minnesota Christian Chronicle.

 By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringgod.org